I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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