Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
