I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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