I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
