Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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