i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
