I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just google imaged poop.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
