She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
