google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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