i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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