whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
