My Higher Power is John Stamos
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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