I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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