I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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