Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
