Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
