Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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