my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
