Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
