dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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