I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
