2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
When did we convert life to cartoon?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
