Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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