Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
