Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
