Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
