Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i was born a porn star she said
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
