How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
