I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
