I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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