Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
