stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
