i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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