Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
