She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
