Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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