i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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