I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
