i think i scared a bird with my dick
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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