I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
then he tried to convert me to islam
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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