ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
