What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
