I'm drive I can fine osifer
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
