Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
