I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
