so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
