i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
