the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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