Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
