If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
