I just threw up on my dentist
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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