please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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