I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
