I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Someone shattered a urinal.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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