...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
