Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
