Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
