Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
