he told me I talked like a deaf person
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
